Thursday, April 23, 2009

Beavers: Assholes of the Forest (FUNNY ISH)

It's about time someone educated the public about the asshole ways of the Beaver!!!  It's also about time Seth McFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy actually made something funny!  Oh!

God, I hate these animals.  They do nothing but F with everyone (including people) just to create living space that's suitable to their standards.   They don't give a shit that they are messing up the circle of nature and destroying everything in their path. 

This video hit close to home because I have had multiple encounters with asshole beavers.  No, I am not joking.  They suck in real life too!  I used to live on a lake and these little fuckers would clog up the inlet/outlet constantly which would cause the lake to rise and our basement to flood.  Due to all of the damn treehuggers and animal activists, we couldn't legally trap these bastards so we would have to call in some dude illegally or hope that they got hit crossing the street (which happened quite often, luckily).

Anyway, my true hatred for Beavers came one day when I decide to walk outside my back door which is about 20 ft. from the water.  It was a little dark but I could see something sitting up on it's back legs and it scared the shit out of me because the thing was huge!  I thought maybe it was my dog just playing in the water but then I realized it wasn't her after she didn't walk up to me right away.  I took a few steps closer and realized it was a big ass beaver!  The thing didn't even flinch when I walked toward it.

After a few minutes, the beaver got bored staring me down so he started to swim around violently in a figure 8 motion and started slapping his tale with authority.  It sounded like someone was dropping a huge rock in the water over and over again if you can picture that sound.  The dude was legitimately taunting me!  It's like he wanted to fight or something!  I tried throwing a few rocks in his direction to scare him away but that only pissed him off more.  At that point I thought to myself "What an Asshole!" and just decided to go back inside.  From that point on, I would see him creeping around the shore every so often like he was looking to start shit again.  WTF?!?!?

I never would have thought that almost 10 years later, someone would make a cartoon that summed up my experience with the Beaver and made me laugh my ass off at the same time.  I am convinced that if they could talk, this is exactly how they would act.  What a bunch of cocky and selfish bastards!  HA HA.

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