Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Dimitri is The Biggest Tool on Earth

You may have already heard this hysterical voicemail message on the radio or elsewhere on the internet but just in case, here is a freakin' gem. Rarely do you get to hear their insane thoughts a babbling psycho in a manner in which you can rewind over and over again. Believe me, this message is so creepy, you will need to listen a few times to really catch all of the crazy shit he is saying. Here are some highlights:

- Dimitri awkwardly approached Olga on the street to ask for her number while she is with her friends. She gives him the number most likely to get rid of him ASAP but she gives him the right number? Dumb move Olga. Step your shit up. I thought all girls had a fake number ready to spit back at any time? It's like in their DNA or something.

- Dimitri assumes Olga must have been abused as a child, her mother might have cancer or maybe she has mental issues because there is no other reason Dimitri can think of as to why she wouldn't call him back.

- Dimitri is intelligent, great in bed and makes a lot of money. He's a great catch.

"You're an extremely elegant woman. I couldn't take my eyes off you, and your friends were very jealous, even if they say they weren't..."

"I'm Greek and I'm extremely particular about what I like. So I'm giving you an opportunity here. "

"But nobody says "Call me", hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder."

This dude needs to be punched in the face really hard. If you ever meet a Dimitri, just assume it's this guy and give him a nice roundhouse kick to the grill. No one named Dimitri is cool, so it's a win/win regardless.

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