Why You Should Never Pre-Order Sports DVD's

Get your Los Angeles Lakers 2007-2008 NBA Champions DVD today!

"Please Note: This is a pre-sell item, in the event that this team chokes away a 24 point lead at home and then gets blown out by 39 in an elimination game, your order will be canceled."

Ha ha.  I love these things when you are on the other end of it.  Too bad we had to deal with the Boston Herald putting out their New England Patriots picture book a day before the Super Bowl.  Thanks for the jinx, you @sses.

Kimbo Slice does His Best Terry Tate Impersonation

DAAAAAAAMMMNNNNNNNN! You just got KNOCKED THE F*CK OUT!!!

Be Kanye Pills Infomercial - A Clever(?) Ad Campaign from Absolut Voka

I'm not sure what to think of this yet.  Is this supposed to be funny?  Because the most I got out of this was a slight chuckle.  Actually, it was more of a clearing of my throat or just a big sigh.

This thing is um, interesting.  Does Kanye know that he's being made fun of or is he taking this serious?  I'm not sure Kanye even has a sense of humor at this point.  Dude is wound a little too tight these days. 

If you look into it a little further, it turns out it's a viral video for Absolut Vodka and there's even a microsite made for the campaign: BeKanyeNow.com.  I am actually curious as to how this all turns out.  Will this help them promote their brand in any positive way?  I'm not really sure.  You know Kanye is only drinking top shelf liquor and wouldn't be caught dead with Absolut in his cup but I am sure there are some Kanye sheep that will do every damn thing he tells them to do.

Bad Brand Image - Elton Brand Leaves Clips for 76ers

Wow. I didn’t realize Elton Brand was a complete a-hole and was capable of something like this. It sounds like he is officially signing with the Sixers of all teams, after the Warriors offered him a max contract and right after Baron Davis just recently signed with the Clippers to give them what looked like a really solid team on paper.

I heard that Baron Davis and Brand were friends and that is why he was opting out to take less money and make room for Davis. They had a solid team with Brand there and now they are back to just decent. Davis is supposedly furious at being lied to by Brand. This reminds me of the very similar situation with Carlos Boozer and the Cleveland Cavaliers years back. No one sticks to their word or has any pride these days. I don't know why Brand seems to think he has a better chance of winning in Philly, even though they did look decent in the playoffs this year. Staying with the Clippers is a much better move in my opinion.

I don’t get it. Do these clowns want to win games or just make as much money as they possibly can? He should already have plenty of money (he signed a 6 year, $82 contract back in 2003 and it’s not like LA was giving him scraps this time around either. Did anyone watch the Finals or the Celtics this season and see what happens when you assemble great talent, a few people make sacrifices monetarily and you get the best players in house?

I never thought Brand was a greedy prick but I guess I was wrong. Here's the official story at ESPN.com:
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/print?id=3479282&type=story

Scott Van Pelt's Legendary Voicemail

I always thought Scott Van Pelt was one of the funnier anchors on SportsCenter with his self deprecating humor and random hip hop references, etc. He doesn't force things like the one eyed Stu Scott or freakish Kenny Mayne. He just let's it flow. The dude just seems like he would be fun to hang out with and probably reminds you of one of your knucklehead friends.

Well, if you need any further proof of his awesomeness, here is a classic voicemail that he left for some random chick that he must have met in a bar. Now usually, you would make fun of something like this but somehow, you end up on his side as the message is both dorky and hysterical at the same time and probably reminds you of something you've either done in the past or are definitely capable of doing in some nervous ramble.

The chick who put his shit out there on the internet is a douche and I bet she never thought people would have Scott's back in such an embarrassing situation. Just read the comments on YouTube to see what I mean. Looks like that idea backfired biotch!

Scott Van Pelt is the mutha f'n man.

Dimitri is The Biggest Tool on Earth

You may have already heard this hysterical voicemail message on the radio or elsewhere on the internet but just in case, here is a freakin' gem. Rarely do you get to hear their insane thoughts a babbling psycho in a manner in which you can rewind over and over again. Believe me, this message is so creepy, you will need to listen a few times to really catch all of the crazy shit he is saying. Here are some highlights:

- Dimitri awkwardly approached Olga on the street to ask for her number while she is with her friends. She gives him the number most likely to get rid of him ASAP but she gives him the right number? Dumb move Olga. Step your shit up. I thought all girls had a fake number ready to spit back at any time? It's like in their DNA or something.

- Dimitri assumes Olga must have been abused as a child, her mother might have cancer or maybe she has mental issues because there is no other reason Dimitri can think of as to why she wouldn't call him back.

- Dimitri is intelligent, great in bed and makes a lot of money. He's a great catch.

Quotes:
"You're an extremely elegant woman. I couldn't take my eyes off you, and your friends were very jealous, even if they say they weren't..."

"I'm Greek and I'm extremely particular about what I like. So I'm giving you an opportunity here. "

"But nobody says "Call me", hands a person a business card and then doesn't return calls. It's extremely passive aggressive. You should actually look that up, passive-aggressive personality disorder."

This dude needs to be punched in the face really hard. If you ever meet a Dimitri, just assume it's this guy and give him a nice roundhouse kick to the grill. No one named Dimitri is cool, so it's a win/win regardless.

Tick Bite + Fever/Chills + Lyme Disease = The Shittiest 4th of July Weekend EVA!!!

While you were out having a good time getting drunk for 3 or 4 straight days or almost lighting your hand on fire this past weekend, I was in the Emergency Room on the 4th, getting treated for a freakin' tick bite. I don't know when or where this little fucker hit me up but I had a huge bullseye rash on my side that started to grow to the size of a softball.

I thought I was OK for a day or two before I knew what was going on but then started to get the chills in 80 degree weather. An hour later, I was sweating profusely and felt like shit. It wasn't until this point that I noticed a rash starting to grow on my side which I had not noticed before. I kind of ignored it for a few days hoping it was just a normal bug bite and it might go away but that never happened. I even went to Foxwoods on Thursday night and won $100 at roulette, even though I could have passed out on the table at any time.

I had to hit the ER the next day because the sickness was unbearable. $100 down the drain for the ER visit. Thanks for nothing HMO Blue! WTF! They told me I had Lyme Disease and I started to freak out a bit because all I could think of was that crazy bitch Irene from the Real World Seattle and how she said her mind was all f'd up from the disease. Honestly though, I just didn't want to get slapped by some large effeminate black man after he tosses my teddy bear into the water on my trip home in a cab...cause that would suck. I guess if you catch it quickly, you are OK but still, you never know.

I got some antibiotics that finally started to kick in yesterday and luckily, I feel pretty good today. The point of this rant is actually to serve as a PSA of sorts. Since everyone is outside a lot for BBQ's and sports and such, make sure you check yourself constantly and try to wear bug spray whenever possible. It could make a big difference. If you don't detect a bite or rash, you may end up with Lyme Disease without any real symptoms for months. By that time, it could be too late to subdue the long term effects which can be severe fatigue, headaches, loss of memory or brain function and even heart problems. I know this isn't a very fun post but I don't really care. I had to deal with this shit all weekend so you might as well be schooled on it so you can be a smarter person if the situation ever arises. Good luck.

For more info, check out these sites:
Tick Bite prevention and such - http://www.cdc.gov/nasd/docs/d000901-d001000/d000960/d000960.html

Lyme Disease Info - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lyme_disease